


Respite

by VODLIX



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety used to be Fear, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders are Siblings (possible interpretation), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Break Up, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Identity Issues, Implied Relationships, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, M/M, Paranoia, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 00:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20349199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VODLIX/pseuds/VODLIX
Summary: When Virgil became a light side, everything changed between him and Remy.AKA Virgil used to use sleep as respite and loved Remy for the relief he gave him, but now Remy finds Virgil insufferable. All based on the 'when I come back, he better not be here!’ vine.





	Respite

* * *

BEFORE

* * *

Anxiety, or Fear, stood for a very important part of Thomas’ dark side. Without the fear of knowledge, deceit was pointless, and without the fear of oneself, negative creativity was no longer viewed as negative. The division between light and dark was created solely through Thomas’ fear of negativity and as such, Fear was the side who pulled lesser light sides aside to become dark or lesser dark sides to become light whenever Thomas has self-realisations or a development in character.

The thing is, Thomas feared Fear and he would go to sleep every-night to avoid his thoughts. He’d go to sleep feeling like a ghost impersonating another person, constantly haunted by “if they knew I was gay, would they still treat me the same?” and other phobia/fear-related conundrums.

This was where the sides’ relationships mirrored his state of mind. Every-night, without fail, Fear would be caught out by Sleep. Every-night, consistently, the two of them would hug one another and fall asleep in the same bed.

The dark sides knew that the only people, side or concept or otherwise, that could tame Fear was either Sleep or Thomas himself.

Tonight was not dissimilar to this.

“Hey, gurl! what’s rockin’ good lookin’?” let it be said, Remy’s verbal finesse was non-existent.

“Today was a day of misery and I’m thriving. Then again, self preservation is difficult in a sea of pubescent children who’s lack of consistent social opinions mirror a pendulum.” Fear always found that the closed to sleep he was, the more ridiculous his thoughts became. It was almost as if his rationality became warped as Thomas’ was between overthinking and rest.

“You know what would help that? come to bed. You need some hours of peace-time, baby. Ain’t nobody got time for anxiety.” Remy took the side by the arm, pulling him towards his own room and the two falling on the bed together.

Sleep pushed as him, eliciting a giggle from Fear and the two ended up tickle-fighting for a bit before the two settled down for some shut eye.

“Hey, Remy?” Fear looked down as the concept who was resting his head of the side’s chest.

“Yeah, babe?” Remy looked up through his eyelashes, clearly tired and about to drift off.

“I’ve been feeling different for a while now. I think I’m changing. could we still… could we keep doing this even if I do change?”

“Sure, baby gurl. I’m never gonna leave you hangin’. lord knows you need me.”

“Thanks, Rem.”

A moment passed.

“Oh, and Remy?”

“Yuh?”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too, sweet cheeks.”

And the two drifted off, as they always did, in each other’s arms.

* * *

THE FIRST SIGN

* * *

Remy had noticed that as the nights went on, Fear became restless. Every-night, Sleep would try his hardest to calm the other down and eventually it stopped working.

“But there’s so many thing! I Don’t think they took us coming out well! And everyone at school looked at us weirdly! Thomas will never have friends again! he’ll be ostracised!” Fear was panicked, working in overdrive as Thomas’ defence mechanism to calculate every possible outcome.

“Babe, we need to rest. It's not healthy to speculate nonsensical shit. You’re supposed to be fight or flight, not think and sink. You’re gonna spiral, gurl, and that’s not healthy. You’re sounding paranoid. Come to bed.” reassurance, from Fear’s response, wasn’t going to work as well as Sleep hoped.

“But- I can’t. I can’t sleep. Remy, I just can’t. You don’t know what its like to overthink everything like a truck stuck in mud where the wheels keep turning and you keep digging yourself deeper and deeper and—“ Throughout talking, Fear’s breathing drew heavier and his voice lighter and he crumpled to his knees hugging them.

Remy ran over to help him only for Fear to bat him away, pushing himself up against a wall and digging his nails into his own arms.

“Babe, I need you to breathe” Sleep tried to help, although the anxious side wasn’t actually hyperventilating. Fear was just sitting there, eyes glazed and nails drawing lines up and down his side. His eyes were glossy and his breathing seemed a little ragged, but it definitely wasn’t a panic attack.

“Honey, I need you to look at me for a second” Sleep tried to get his attention and eventually the other side complied although his nails dug deeper into his forearms.

“I need you to talk to me. Are you okay? how do you feel? can I touch you?”

“Fuzzy. Head feels r—really spacey. d—don’t— I don’t— I—“ His hands moved up to his hair where he started pulling, “Y—yeah, touch is okay.”

That day the two of them spent all night sharing shaky conversation as neither of them got a wink of sleep.

* * *

APART

* * *

About a week after the first time he ‘spaced-out’, Fear could no longer sleep. And about a month after, Remy couldn’t stand it anymore. He’d bring the other to bed only for the side to be restless in bed and kick or shove him by accident.

He knew it wasn’t Fear’s fault, but Remy was drawn thin with only 4 hours a night of intermittent sleep and his ability to conjure caffein drinks was declining as Thomas’ mental health no longer facilitated his creativity as strongly.

“Leave!” Remy had shouted when he’d been once more kicked awake, “Just fucking leave! I can’t keep doing this! I know you’re not trying, but Thomas is suffering with you here! I can’t keep entertaining you here when you’re harming our host!”

“I— I’m sorry.” Fear looked heartbroken and half-asleep, gathering himself and his clothes to leave Sleep’s room.

“I’ll see you in the morning and we’ll talk this over, but please just let me have a night of sleep.” Remy begged, now crying as he realised what he’d just done.

Thing was, Remy couldn’t sleep after that. As far as Thomas was aware, he’d woken up from an anxiety-infused nightmare and spent the night haunted by it. For Remy, he’d woken up to a nightmare where he was the monster.

* * *

NEW PERSON

* * *

Turns out Fear had changed. He hadn’t been to his own room in years, and finding his room with a newly painted sign reading ‘Anxiety’ definitely proved this.

It was about a month after the two stopped sleeping together when ‘Anxiety’ (as he was now called) was summoned by the host to the living room.

Things hadn’t gone particularly badly. The others were distrustful of him which was fair. He fit himself snuggly into a new persona as a ‘frightful’ but secretly timid person. Truth was, he didn’t know who he was anymore. He reckoned that ‘imposter syndrome’ would draw a parallel, if only he wasn’t all too aware of who he was and that he actually is, in a sense, an imposter.

“I used to be one of them” wasn’t as hard of a phrase for him to say as he thought. He raised Deceit from a concept into a side and he was the one who practically brought roman and remus into being as two sides instead of one.

Every time he heard someone call him paranoid his mind reeled back to every time Remy had tried to sooth his anxiety by telling him jokingly ‘don’t be paranoid, its time to sleep’ and he couldn’t stand to hear someone say that word. So, as a repercussion, the others figured he must had been ‘paranoia’ when he was a dark side which wasn’t entirely untrue. He was paranoia, anxiety and all other “fearful” concepts rounded off into one fearful manifestation.

* * *

HAPPILY EVER AVOIDANT

* * *

It was time for Thomas to sleep, and after a day in which he’d had a homophobic couple cuss him out as the grocery store, Thomas was having a bit of a crisis. Anxiety was there, just as fearful, but trying to help him. He was trying to use Logan’s speciality (logic) to piece Thomas’ declining mental state together.

“Nap time!” Remy suddenly popped up in the bedroom, holding an IKEA shark with one arm and a Starbucks hot chocolate in the other. The concept stopped after seeing the host and a particular side sitting on the edge of Thomas’ bed talking to one another.

“No. nonono. I’m out of here.” Remy spun around, instantly changing his attire to his usual jacket, side-bag and coffee. “I am not getting involved with you.”

“Wait! no, I really need to sleep! Come back! Where on earth are you going?” Thomas was standing up now, pleading for sleep to come back.

“Anywhere but here! I’m not entertaining this. When I’m back, he better be gone or you’re not sleeping ever again. got it?” And sleep left, sinking down to his own room.

“whats up with him? why does he avoid you?” the host turned on the side.

“I— uh… We don’t get along. Rest and restlessness? we’re kind of opposites.” Or at least, that’s what he’d tell anyone who asked.


End file.
